This is the story of a week long holiday I spent with my wife, Val, at the Red Sea in Egypt, arranged as a surprise present for her 40th birthday. We stayed in the Ecolodges at Marsa Shagra and Marsa Nakiri and arranged the trip via “Wild & Free” (www.dolphinswims.co.uk). This is (supposed to be) a light hearted version of events and if I upset or offend anyone with my irreverent humour, please let me know so I can gain the maximum enjoyment out of my cruelty… :o)

The following list should prove useful in identifying the characters in the story:

Val
My long-suffering wife. Inexperienced in “the way of the snorkel” and prone to panic if the wind ruffles the surface of the water.

Sharon
A blonde born in a brunette’s body. Cockney sparrow with a wonderful habit of choosing the wrong word at the right time, e.g. “Bottleneck Dolphins”.

James
A nice, quiet, shy and very white maths teacher. Owns shares in suncream companies, I reckon…

Phil
Head of the Reeds family. His colour-blindness leads to confusion when pointing out “that nice green/red/pink fish over there”

Linda
Other head of the Reeds family. Almost has whiter legs than James, apart from where she bruised them whilst floundering around on the bottom of the zodiac craft.

Martin
17-year old son of the Reeds. Surgically attached to his baseball cap (most of the time). Has a gung-ho attitude towards getting out of zodiac craft and is scared of (non-stinging) jellyfish.

Frankie
14-year old daughter of the Reeds. Has gills, or soon will have, and a sunburned bum due to the amount of time she spent in the water snorkelling. Obsessed with crabs.

Maja (my-A)
Slightly mad, but lovely, Danish lady visiting the area for the second time. Thinks I have a deep, resonant voice like Mel Gibson without the Australian accent! (Told you she was slightly mad).

Ruth
Owner/Organiser of “Wild & Free”. Feisty suntanned blonde with a filthy sense of humour who shows her Scottish side when crossed. Likes Gin. And Whisky. And Beer. And Frenchmen with sexy voices…

Mahmoud
“Poppa Dive”. The head honcho at Marsa Nakari Ecolodge. Likes to sit and smoke his waterpipe whilst all goes on around him. Has a distinctly eclectic taste in music…

Halid
Mad zodiac pilot. Cheerful to the point of insanity and able to drink twice his weight in spirits without showing any ill effects. Could find a dolphin in a bathtub.